What did you say?!

It is nearly impossible to write down everything Mark is saying because it seems like everyday, his vocabulary expands. BUT, here are those that I can remember

1. People's Names: Mimi, Opa (pronounced "Bopa"), Kaki, Papa, Nanny and Maw-Maw.

2. Lilly (our dog)

3. Thank you. He says this 9/10 times when you give him something. It is the cutest thing I've ever heard.

4. Pease (Please)

5. Yeerio (Cheerio)

6. Muppin (Muffin)

9. Mik (Milk)

10. Gickey (Mickey Mouse)

11. Melmo (Elmo)

12. Gecko Daddy (Let's Go Daddy)

13. No, not that.

14. Yes AND no

15. keez (Cheese)

And today when I dropped him off at school, his teacher remarked that he is talking up a storm and when she was singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, he repeated the next line. This age is SO MUCH FUN! Love communicating with Mark.

Constants.

At a time in my life where there are so many uncertainties I feel like I could drown, I have to remind myself to hold on to the constants, to those things I know will remain regardless of.... well, just regardless. I hold three things (soon to be four) as constants in my life. First, that I always come home to and crawl into bed with my best friend. The person who understands me most in this life. And loves me anyway. That is the most comforting feeling in the world to know that at the end of the day, no matter what, I have a partner in this life. Second, that my sweet Mark needs me. As long as he lives and breathes, my sweet baby boy will always need me. He always will. Sure, the "needs" will undoubtedly change, but just as I still need my parents, he will always need me. Hand in hand with that is that I will always need him. Always. That need will  never change or cease, it will only grow, as my love for him does. Third, that I have a wonderful community of love and support in my family and friends. Sure Christmas time gets hectic trying to make sure that we spend time with everyone....but that "hectic-ness" is such a blessing. Something I should not complain about. Number four will undoubtedly be Jack when he arrives in March!

Those are the things in my life that make me feel so unbelievably blessed. I was reminded this week of how short life can be. Two loving parents lost their precious baby boy entirely too early, he was only 20 months old. My heart aches for them. I cannot fathom the pain. When I try to, even for a second, I am overwhelmed with grief. I hate that it took something like that to make me take a step back and realize how blessed I am. How at the end of the day, if I lost the material "things" in my life, I would be rich because of the love that is in it. The reminder could not come at a better time than Christmas, when it's easy to get caught up in the gift aspect of Christmas. Don't me wrong, I love shopping and the whole experience of giving gifts to our loved ones. But at the end of the day, I need to remind myself that if I can't give as much, it's ok. I know Mark could care less if I wrapped up some used tupperware or brought him some plastic toys. What he really wants is love from his mommy and daddy. And since I was so painfully reminded that we are never promised tomorrow, I have been trying to give out love to him more so than usual. To remind myself that this could be the last time we did x, y or z. The short of it is Mark has been getting a lot more kisses (which believe me, he already got a lot), and a lot more rocking at night. I have been making an effort to put my phone down when we sit together to play blocks at night. To hold him when the Christmas movie is on and not sit him in his chair. He is growing up before my eyes. It's a new word every other day and his independent nature is really starting to show. I am loving watching him grow but still trying to cherish these moments when he fits in my arms and wants to be there.

Even though life is pretty uncertain, remembering the constants helps to plant my feet on the ground. For me, that is the love of my family and friends. No matter what life throws at us, as long as I continue to have those relationships, I can handle most anything. Until then, I will cherish those moments and try to create as many special memories as possible. Merry Christmas!!

What did you say?!

Most recent words:

1. That's Yuck

2. Light (while pointing to the light)

3. Bubby

4. Jack (actually comes out "Ja" but we're working on it)

5. Opa (only every now and then)

6. Papa (same as above)

7. Daddy

8. Mommy

9. Lily and Layla

Watching Mark learn how to communicate is so awesome.

Boy oh Boy!

So in case you haven't heard, which I'm sure everyone has by now, we are having another BOY!! We found out yesterday. I was convinced that I was having a girl from the moment I saw the second line. My belief was reaffirmed since this pregnancy began so different from the first. But I guess it is true what everyone says, all pregnancies are differently no matter what. I would have been happy with either, so long as my baby is healthy. When you are younger you think about what gender you prefer and the birth order and so on and so forth. At least I did. Then again, I have wanted to be a mommy since I could tote around a baby doll. That desire took a brief dip circa 1999-2001  but in the back of my head, I always thought about my future children. Then you find out you are going to have a baby and all those concerns about pink or blue don't even matter. Maybe it is because I do a lot of reading, maybe it's because I am married to a doctor, but regardless, I am well aware of how miraculous of a gift a healthy baby is. When so many things can go awry, and they don't, well it is nothing short of a miracle in my eyes. I am not suggesting that a unique child or a child with different needs is in any way not a gift. I do not feel that way at all. I simply mean that for a baby to survive gestation, and be carried to full term with viability, well that leaves me feeling awed. Anyway, so when I got pregnant a second time, I thought it was a girl but it really didn't matter. I would be happy with a boy for a plethora of reasons, mostly, I love little boys and they love their mommas. Since Mark and Jack (yes, we've picked a name, more on that later) will be so close in age, how great that they are of the same sex?! And a small bonus, I don't have  to go shopping. My wallet and husband are very appreciative of that. Now, I do want a little girl at some point. We are not finished having children. They say if you want to be taken care of when you are old, you need a daughter. I agree wholeheartedly. Also, I have such a wonderful loving relationship with my mother, I want to experience that as well. I want to support my daughter as my mom does for me.

So we are having another boy and I am so excited about little Jack. Jack has always been my first pick for a baby boy name. Since before George and I got married, I had my boy and girl names picked. Jack was always it for a boy. But I also always knew that our first son would be named after George's father. And it helps that I love the name Mark. I also love the tradition and honor behind it. Bonus- it suits my little Mark. That being said, I am so excited I get to use my other favorite boy name. I find that once I give the baby a name, I feel more connected to the baby growing inside of me. I know it is nothing compared to the feeling I will experience when they place him in my arms, but for now, I feel even closer and connected to my Jack and that is a wonderful feeling.

Aha Moment....

For those of you who have not heard, our family of three will be a family of four by April 2013. I know what you're thinking as I have heard it all "You two didn't waste any time," "wow, so soon," and "how old is Mark??" Most people were as shocked as we were. I found out on Friday the 13th (of July). To say that I was shocked is an understatement, it was more like jaw-dropping, haze-induced stupor. I just could not believe what that extra line meant. I went through the next few days feeling completely out of control and slightly panicked. I had so much worry it was making me nauseous. This was not part of our plan. I felt this way for several weeks until I had an aha moment. I was pretty stressed about what this would mean for our immediate future. I knew I wanted more kids, that wasn't the stressful part. It was all about the timing, a control-freak's MO. I could ramble on and on about why this isn't the perfect time, and how it changes everything or I could just shut up, and take a moment to realize how unbelievably blessed I am. After my a-ha moment, I decided to choose the latter. Because the fact of the matter is, I was being selfish. I was not seeing that second line for what it meant. Now, to say I am not still stressed would be a lie. I am terrified at times, but I am also over the moon excited more often than I am scared.

I remember saying when I had to have to a C-Section that the powers-that-be must really be trying to tell me that I have no control in this thing called life. Well, apparently, God must have felt I didn't hear his message, because he sent me to my knees with this one. Here I was, complaining about how this wasn't part of the plan, we wont have enough money, where will we live, blah blah blah, when I was deeply humbled by the thought of, "What if the person you are complaining to would give anything just to be in your shoes at this moment." That's when I realized I wasn't being punished, I wasn't being "taught a lesson," instead, I was being given a miraculous gift, and it was my job to love and cherish that gift, just as I did when Mark was first placed in my arms. I'm not sure why that thought popped into my head when it did, but I am certainly happy it did. One of my biggest worries was how Mark would feel with a new baby, and how it would take me away from him. My sister said it so perfectly: "Your love will not be divided, it will multiply." So simple, yet so true.

Now as I enter the 2nd Trimester, it is hard to recall those strong emotions I had initially. Part of that I know is due to the rush of pregnancy hormones that exaggerated EVERY thought, feeling, emotion. Today, I am excited about my "love child" as George so lovingly refers to Baby Bensabat #2. I cannot wait for Mark to discover being a big brother. I cannot wait to hold this sweet little gift and love him or her as strongly and without reservation as I do Mark. Thanks to everyone for their support through this, I have some pretty amazing friends and family who never told me to quit complaining, even though that is exactly what I needed to do. And if I offended anyone, from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry. I was being selfish and inward looking and it took a moment of humility to put me back on course.

What did you say??

So Mark is starting to say words. And it is the cutest thing. EVER. Seriously, that little voice. Ah, it just makes me feel so warm inside. As of today, just a little over 13 months old, here is what he can say

1. Dada: his personal favorite. Sometimes he calls the wrong man dada. He kept referring to Uncle Pierce as "dada". This is not as embarrassing as when he said dada to the woman who appeared to be transitioning to a man at a store that shall remain nameless. Talk about awkward!

2. Mama: My favorite! He used to only say it while crying. Now he says it while chasing me around the kitchen when I am trying to get dinner ready.

3. Woof: We kept saying, "what does the dog say" and he would say "woof." Now, whenever he sees a dog, he says "woof." Genius much?! I think so.

4. Roo-Ray: translation "Hooray." Whenever the song "if you're happy and you know it" comes on, he immediately says "rooray." He can't wait to get through the clapping of the hands and the stomping of the feet, he skips straight to his favorite part.

5. Uh-Oh: He has been saying this for at least 5 months but it is still just as precious. The connection he makes with the action is the best part!


That's it for now. I cannot wait for him to speak, and for all the funny things that kids most certainly say!

Mark's First Year in Pictures

Mark's First Year Slideshow.

Disclaimer: It's long.