Wednesday, December 12, 2012


At a time in my life where there are so many uncertainties I feel like I could drown, I have to remind myself to hold on to the constants, to those things I know will remain regardless of.... well, just regardless. I hold three things (soon to be four) as constants in my life. First, that I always come home to and crawl into bed with my best friend. The person who understands me most in this life. And loves me anyway. That is the most comforting feeling in the world to know that at the end of the day, no matter what, I have a partner in this life. Second, that my sweet Mark needs me. As long as he lives and breathes, my sweet baby boy will always need me. He always will. Sure, the "needs" will undoubtedly change, but just as I still need my parents, he will always need me. Hand in hand with that is that I will always need him. Always. That need will  never change or cease, it will only grow, as my love for him does. Third, that I have a wonderful community of love and support in my family and friends. Sure Christmas time gets hectic trying to make sure that we spend time with everyone....but that "hectic-ness" is such a blessing. Something I should not complain about. Number four will undoubtedly be Jack when he arrives in March!

Those are the things in my life that make me feel so unbelievably blessed. I was reminded this week of how short life can be. Two loving parents lost their precious baby boy entirely too early, he was only 20 months old. My heart aches for them. I cannot fathom the pain. When I try to, even for a second, I am overwhelmed with grief. I hate that it took something like that to make me take a step back and realize how blessed I am. How at the end of the day, if I lost the material "things" in my life, I would be rich because of the love that is in it. The reminder could not come at a better time than Christmas, when it's easy to get caught up in the gift aspect of Christmas. Don't me wrong, I love shopping and the whole experience of giving gifts to our loved ones. But at the end of the day, I need to remind myself that if I can't give as much, it's ok. I know Mark could care less if I wrapped up some used tupperware or brought him some plastic toys. What he really wants is love from his mommy and daddy. And since I was so painfully reminded that we are never promised tomorrow, I have been trying to give out love to him more so than usual. To remind myself that this could be the last time we did x, y or z. The short of it is Mark has been getting a lot more kisses (which believe me, he already got a lot), and a lot more rocking at night. I have been making an effort to put my phone down when we sit together to play blocks at night. To hold him when the Christmas movie is on and not sit him in his chair. He is growing up before my eyes. It's a new word every other day and his independent nature is really starting to show. I am loving watching him grow but still trying to cherish these moments when he fits in my arms and wants to be there.

Even though life is pretty uncertain, remembering the constants helps to plant my feet on the ground. For me, that is the love of my family and friends. No matter what life throws at us, as long as I continue to have those relationships, I can handle most anything. Until then, I will cherish those moments and try to create as many special memories as possible. Merry Christmas!!