Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Aha Moment....

For those of you who have not heard, our family of three will be a family of four by April 2013. I know what you're thinking as I have heard it all "You two didn't waste any time," "wow, so soon," and "how old is Mark??" Most people were as shocked as we were. I found out on Friday the 13th (of July). To say that I was shocked is an understatement, it was more like jaw-dropping, haze-induced stupor. I just could not believe what that extra line meant. I went through the next few days feeling completely out of control and slightly panicked. I had so much worry it was making me nauseous. This was not part of our plan. I felt this way for several weeks until I had an aha moment. I was pretty stressed about what this would mean for our immediate future. I knew I wanted more kids, that wasn't the stressful part. It was all about the timing, a control-freak's MO. I could ramble on and on about why this isn't the perfect time, and how it changes everything or I could just shut up, and take a moment to realize how unbelievably blessed I am. After my a-ha moment, I decided to choose the latter. Because the fact of the matter is, I was being selfish. I was not seeing that second line for what it meant. Now, to say I am not still stressed would be a lie. I am terrified at times, but I am also over the moon excited more often than I am scared.

I remember saying when I had to have to a C-Section that the powers-that-be must really be trying to tell me that I have no control in this thing called life. Well, apparently, God must have felt I didn't hear his message, because he sent me to my knees with this one. Here I was, complaining about how this wasn't part of the plan, we wont have enough money, where will we live, blah blah blah, when I was deeply humbled by the thought of, "What if the person you are complaining to would give anything just to be in your shoes at this moment." That's when I realized I wasn't being punished, I wasn't being "taught a lesson," instead, I was being given a miraculous gift, and it was my job to love and cherish that gift, just as I did when Mark was first placed in my arms. I'm not sure why that thought popped into my head when it did, but I am certainly happy it did. One of my biggest worries was how Mark would feel with a new baby, and how it would take me away from him. My sister said it so perfectly: "Your love will not be divided, it will multiply." So simple, yet so true.

Now as I enter the 2nd Trimester, it is hard to recall those strong emotions I had initially. Part of that I know is due to the rush of pregnancy hormones that exaggerated EVERY thought, feeling, emotion. Today, I am excited about my "love child" as George so lovingly refers to Baby Bensabat #2. I cannot wait for Mark to discover being a big brother. I cannot wait to hold this sweet little gift and love him or her as strongly and without reservation as I do Mark. Thanks to everyone for their support through this, I have some pretty amazing friends and family who never told me to quit complaining, even though that is exactly what I needed to do. And if I offended anyone, from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry. I was being selfish and inward looking and it took a moment of humility to put me back on course.

Friday, September 7, 2012

What did you say??

So Mark is starting to say words. And it is the cutest thing. EVER. Seriously, that little voice. Ah, it just makes me feel so warm inside. As of today, just a little over 13 months old, here is what he can say

1. Dada: his personal favorite. Sometimes he calls the wrong man dada. He kept referring to Uncle Pierce as "dada". This is not as embarrassing as when he said dada to the woman who appeared to be transitioning to a man at a store that shall remain nameless. Talk about awkward!

2. Mama: My favorite! He used to only say it while crying. Now he says it while chasing me around the kitchen when I am trying to get dinner ready.

3. Woof: We kept saying, "what does the dog say" and he would say "woof." Now, whenever he sees a dog, he says "woof." Genius much?! I think so.

4. Roo-Ray: translation "Hooray." Whenever the song "if you're happy and you know it" comes on, he immediately says "rooray." He can't wait to get through the clapping of the hands and the stomping of the feet, he skips straight to his favorite part.

5. Uh-Oh: He has been saying this for at least 5 months but it is still just as precious. The connection he makes with the action is the best part!

That's it for now. I cannot wait for him to speak, and for all the funny things that kids most certainly say!