Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Happy First Birthday

Dear Jack,
How has it been a year since I first held you? 12 months since you first looked into my eyes. 365 days since I first breathed in your delicious and intoxicating scent. I remember your birth and the days leading up to it as if it were yesterday. I was anxious about your birth because I wanted to have you naturally but I had had a C-section for Mark. I was incredibly aware that I would have to fight for the  birth plan I wanted. You will learn this about me, I am a fighter. The weekend before you arrived I was just shy of 40 weeks pregnant and convinced I would carry you (like Mimi carried her children) past 41 weeks. But on Sunday, March 17, 2013, you let me know that you were thinking about making your arrival. I did not particularly enjoy the contractions but I was definitely excited to be experiencing them.

Well fast-forward 36 LONG hours, and I delivered you the way I always dreamed. I held you within seconds of being born and I did not have to let you go for some time. You were so stunningly beautiful and you looked into my eyes with those big, beautiful eyes of yours. I was on cloud 9 holding my perfect baby, after delivering you as I planned. Daddy had to spend some time with Mark who was at home so I got lots of cuddles and peaceful time to just stare at you.  I felt so good after my delivery that I wanted to go home the next day, but my doctor wanted us to stay for an extra night. We went home on March 21, 2013.  
Since you came into my life, you have made me a better mother. You have been my reminder that the small stuff really doesn't matter, and there is lots of small stuff. You are the happiest baby I have ever met. You have also been the easiest baby, always content to observe others around you. You were a champion nurser from the beginning and it is with a heavy heart that this chapter in our story is coming to a close. I fear that I will one day not remember what it was like to hold you in my arms and give you life. For you too look up at me and rub my cheek with those chubby fingers. Or when you smile and the milk spills over your cheeks. These memories are sacred for me and I nurse not only because it is best for you, but also for the gift it is to me. You will more than likely never understand this but I assure you, it is and always will be one of my fondest memories of raising my children. You certainly enjoy eating (unlike bubby), and eat a large variety of foods. Your personal favorites at the moment are apples/pear/kale, sweet potatoes, yogurt, and cauliflower/broccoli/parmesan cheese mash.
You are independent but very giving with hugs and snuggles. Thank you, mommy needs that. You
have incredible strength. Seriously, I have to tie my hair back because I think you could rip it from its roots. You get so excited when daddy gets home. You are enamored with your big brother and he makes you laugh regularly. You love music and have taken a particular interest in the drums. You love new people but are most comfortable in my arms. I know this is fleeting so I rarely turn down the opportunity. You are not walking yet but I know it will be soon. You are very curious, and can find unsafe objects where I did not know they existed. You love your big brother and he loves you. Though truth be told, he had a hard time adjusting when you first arrived. He was not thrilled to give up his only child status. However, now he is so concerned with your well-being and is not happy if you are sad. I am so happy that we are blessed to be able to give you to each other. I believe it is the best gift we will ever be able to give you.
Jack, when you first came into our lives on July 13, 2012, mommy was initially shocked. I did not think God would bless us with a baby so soon. But I can say without a doubt, you have been the best surprise of my life. You have brought more joy, peace and happiness to my heart than I thought possible. I love you from my head to my toes. Thank you for being such an amazing son and I look forward to watching you grow. Love always and forever, Mommy

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