Mama's Boy

So my little bit is quite taken with me. If I am within eyesight, he is whining unless I am sitting by him. If I am sitting by him while he plays, every 30 seconds or so, he looks back to makes sure I am still there and then for further verification, reaches out that cute chubby hand to touch me, just to make sure I'm not some figment of his imagination. Or atleast that is what I think he is doing. If I am holding him, you can forget about getting him to go to you willingly. Even if "you" are dada, sadly. If you are holding him and I walk by, he will leap out of your arms towards me. hold tight. 90% of the time, this melts my heart. 10% of the time, I get frustrated because there are things I need to do that are difficult to do with 20 pounds of cuteness in your arms. Also, I realized quickly how much I am like my mother within moments of Mark's first whine. I would rather full-blown tears to the whining. Dear God, it grates on my last nerve. Much like the teeth-grinding Mark currently finds as a good way to amuse himself.  I just cannot take it. That being said, I know I need to appreciate this time because before I know it, he wont want much to do with me and I'll be craving a simple kiss or hug. Or I'll be doing this.  It's easier said that done and it is an undeniable fact that we don't know what we have until it is gone. I could go on and on about how head over heels in love with my sweet Mark but I do that frequently. But being a mother is not all roses and ponies. It's tough. Definitely the hardest thing I've ever done. Coincidentally, it is the most rewarding thing I have ever done and certainly the most meaningful.

Mark is certainly becoming his own little person. I think it is sometimes easy to forget that a tiny little baby who cannot communicate with words can have such a strong personality. My mother put it best when she described him as "willfull." He is very determined, and aside from wanting me with him constantly, he is independent. Although he wants me nearby, he does not want me to hand him his toys. Oh no, he would much rather wiggle and struggle to grab that toy on his own. I consider myself to be a very independent person so I am allowing this personality trait to blossom. I let him do for himself, although feeding at the moment is quite the task. He cannot manage utensils yet so I am always trying to find healthy and nutritious finger foods. We had sweet potato pancakes last night that were a hit!

I have said this for months but I notice that he is frustrated with his limitations. He wants to walk. Desperately. He is happiest when I am holding his hands while he walks or when he is standing at his music table. However, he is wobbly and he gets mad when he falls down. He was so easy going for the first 7-8 months of his life and now that we are nearing month 9, I think we are in for a treat. We got a glimpse of what his temper tantrums might look like this week. It could have been related to teething and a persistent cold but I remember the moment when he was having a meltdown and George and I just looked at each other and although no words were exchanged, we had "uh oh" written all over our faces.

I am bracing myself for the storm and reminding myself that although I used to judge (pre-baby) parents of toddlers who had temper tantrums, karma is  B. Now that I am a mother, I know that all that judgment was my inability to understand. ALL babies have temper tantrums and it in no way reflects good parenting, or the lack thereof. And like everything in life, you cannot truly understand until you have experienced it firsthand. Oh joy.  I am a little nervous of what's to come. I know we'll get through it but the anticipation has me slightly rattled. Yes, I am a control freak so it will be quite interesting to see how this head-strong mama deals with her equally head-strong son who melts her heart one minute but is ripping her hair from its roots the next. Literally.